Thank you Skeptic’s Dictionary

While using stumbleupon one day, I came across The Skeptic’s Dictionary. This is a site where you can go to see a skeptic’s response to everything under the sun, all in alphabetical order. When I found it, I looked up MPD, to see if maybe he had written something different. Of course, there was the same thing you would expect from anyone who isn’t multiple, and had never experienced it, as well as things on false memory syndrome, and things of that nature. He had concluded that MPD didn’t exist. So, I decided to write to the person who created the site, and let him know about multiplicity from our perspective. This was a few months ago. So, even though I wasn’t expecting it, he emailed me back right away. I told him about our experiences, and of sites he could find to check out our POV. I decided today to check out the section again, and I found it updated with links to Astrea, Collective Phenomenon, and Ex Uno Plures, and a small section about those of us who do not consider multiplicity a disorder. I’m excited, because this is a widely read site, and it will help get the word out about us. I would like to thank The Skeptic’s Dictionary for updating the section.

http://www.skepdic.com/mpd.html

-Air

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A peek inside my head.

Well, I finally finished my sketches of everyone. And scanning them on my mom’s computer was a bitch. No joke. So here they are!

Me, Eris, Isis before her split, Celeste, Isis after her split, Maahess, and A.

This is our family, as weird looking as some of us are. Some things were cut out because they had too much personal information on them

Finally back, with something to write about.

Well, it’s been forever since I’ve written anything. Work has been soul sucking, and there hasn’t been much to write about. For one, I’m FINALLY working on my manuscript for a novel, with the two main characters being naturally multiple. Loosely based of off my first meeting with my boyfriend, it’s going to explore natural multiplicity. It should be pretty awesome, and it will knock down a lot of the stereotypes that surround the community. Two, Isis of our Pack split, so we now have another member, A, who will not be writing for the most part. We would like to welcome our “newest” member to the family, and hope s/he/it enjoys her/his/its stay here. So things are pretty interesting up here. I also have drawings of everyone, and will post them ASAP. My boyfriend will also be writing in the near future, so that is something to look forward to. Work has been sucking my soul, so it’s been difficult to write for the most part. I will try to at least update every other day, from this point forward, to make sure I stay on point.

Anyway, the last thing is that I FINALLY talked to my therapist. He was really cool about it as well. He was genuinly interested, and let me talk without judging me as a crazy person, nor threatening to send me to a psych ward. Yay! I think he felt more honored I could trust him with this, because I told him about my fears. It made me feel good. It took a bit of explaining, but I think it went well. I’m glad I have such an awesome therapist. It was really good to put it out there, not because I’m having problems with it, but like I’ve said before, we need to get therapists to see our side. I brought in my copy of When Rabbit Howls and he asked me about it, and we went from there. He only talked to me, but that’s fine. The others in the Pack are still a little shaky about talking, but Eris volunteered to go first should he ask. We are pleased with this development. It was nerve-wracking, but we wanted to do it. We’ll talk to him at our next appointment, whoever wants to, and it should be interesting. I’m pleased it went well.

It felt good to get it off my chest, and the others are relieved as well. As a firm believer in honesty, I felt that to have good sessions meant to be completely honest about this, because of how big of a deal this is in my life. Being multiple is what I am, and what we are. So it makes sense to want to be honest about it. At least, to me it does. And, I’m paying for therapy, I should be able to trust my therapist to tell him things of this nature without fear of being deemed “mad”. After all, if you don’t trust your therapist, it’s not doing you any good. Of course, it still applies not to be dependent. You can trust them, but you can’t make every life decision based on what they say.

Coming up, a few posts and hopefully my review of When Rabbit Howls in the next few days. The BF should be posting here soon as well. Sorry it’s been forever. Work’s been evil. <.<

-Air

Isis’s Metal Post.

Well, just like the title says. I feel like writing something a little silly today, to break from the seriousness. So, it’s metal time!

To give a little background, I’m a newer entity to this system,  and the only one in it who likes metal of any kind. That’s right, old metal, new metal, black metal, reggae metal, death metal, etc. Sure, Air is into some metal, but not to the extent that I am. Probably because she can’t do the vocals for shit, and I can (Classical vocal training, it’s a hard thing to break). I’ve spent many a day driving with B(Air’s boyfriend), blaring Five Finger Death Punch or Slipknot, with he and I scaring the shit out of the people in other cars because they see some small chick head-banging and death growling. It’s quite a show. Of course, he’s introduced me to a lot of awesome metal, because Air has all of two metal bands on her Ipod. So everyone else has they’re favorite bands, but I get short-changed in that end. I have Slipknot and FFDP, which are current favorites of mine, but not anything else. They have all they’re Emilie Autumn and Evenescence, but that really isn’t my cup of brutal tea, really. So, I am taking the opportunity to talk about some of my favorites, and hope that those who read this will give me the names of some other good metal bands. Air is going to make us each an Ipod playlist, and mine would be a little scarce without some fattening up on the music that I like. So anyway, on to the posting!

Band 1: Slipknot.

Why I like them: They’re just awesome. I like Corey’s voice, and his metal vocals are superb. For me, I’m jealous I didn’t come around two years ago when Air saw them live. Lucky bitch. Anyway. I just really dig their sound and lyrics. I have a hard time deciding my favorite song by them, though. And I know, people hate on them, but fuck you guys. If someone likes them or not, it’s whatever. I consider them metal, and if you don’t, that’s your deal. Some awesome songs,

“Snuff”-So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I won?t listen to your shame
You ran away, you?re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don?t ever let me know
If you still care don?t ever let me know

It’s a slower song, but it’s pretty awesome. I love fucked up songs about love. 😉

“Pulse of the Maggots”-I won’t, be the inconsequential
I won’t, be the wasted potential
I can make it, as severe as I can
Until you realize
You’ll never take a stand
It isn’t, just a one-sided version
We’ve dealt, with a manic subversion
And I won’t, let the truth be perverted
And I won’t leave another victim deserted

-Oh, so many memories with this one. I love the lyrics. I need to have another metal day with B(My partner is into rap. It’s kind of weird…) This is the one we blow out our vocal cords on. No joke. It’s kind of my theme song.

“Vermillion Pt 1”-Hard to say what caught my attention
Fixed And crazy, Aphid Attraction
Carve my name in my face, to recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize

I won’t let this build up inside of me

This song could definitely be my description. I don’t know why, but this song calls to me. Something about it. Plus, it’s fucking twisted.

Band 2: Five Finger Death Punch.

Why I like them: Well, the lead singer is from UFC. He does MMA, and he makes fun of Evenescence. Which is hilarious. They’re lyrics are really good, and I like his voice a lot, both metal and standard singing. This band is actually going to Mayhemfest this year! I am going, no doubt about it. 😀 I might pit, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m in a small chick’s body. *Sigh*

“Salvation”-I won’t bow to something that I’ve never seen
I can’t believe in something that doesn’t believe in me
I’m not blood of your blood, I’m no son of your god
I’ve no faith in your fate
Still I find salvation

Oh, where do I begin? Well, aside from sending a big FUCK YOU to fanatical religious folk (Note I said fanatical, regular religious folk are quite nice) I like everything about this song. They singing, the death growling, the music. It’s just a good song.

“My Own Hell” -Twisting and turning unable to sleep
DO THE VOICES EVER STOP
My thoughts speak louder the more I resist
AND THEY’RE DRIVING ME INSANE
DO THEY EVERY GO

Inside I’m a danger to myself
IM A DANGER TO MYSELF
Inside I’m a prisoner of my own hell
MY OWN HELL

When you listen to this song, it sounds vaguely familiar. Then you realize something. He is totally ripping on Evenescence. It sounds like “Going Under”. If you think it’s a coincidence, compare the lyrics. Oddly similar. Plus, in the song “Hate Me (Succubus)” The lyrics go “I don’t want to be your tourniquet
For minor lacerations
don’t wanna be your Romeo
Because you’re no Goddamn Juliet”

Yeah, well, Look at that. I don’t know what the deal is with the song writer and Amy Lee, but obviously, they had some shit going on. Most people wouldn’t notice that, because it’s not really obvious, but it’s there. I wonder if Amy Lee’s heard this shit… I love it when bands write songs to bash other bands. It’s hilarious.

Other bands: These bands are some that I know a few songs, but haven’t gotten any misc from yet.

Finntroll

Skindred

Fear Factory

Lamb of God

An a bunch whose names escape me at the moment. I know B has a lot of metal, and I know he’s sharing it eventually. If anyone has good bands, let me know. I really want to find new stuff to listen to!

-Isis

Sorry for my absence.

Hi, all. I’m sorry I’ve been absent and not responding to anything. I just got a new job, and it’s temp, so I’m trying to make as much money as possible now. That means working most days for like 8-10 hours. Plus, I have to ride my bike everywhere, and I haven’t done that in years. Before that, I had finals. So, I apologize for that. Anyway,  I’m trying to write more, and join up with Pavilion Hall, which is a multiplicity activist group. Also, if any multiples want to start a group here on WordPress, let me know. I’m new to this site, so I have no idea how things of that nature work. I think it would help get the word out, and help with publicizing that we are not crazy. Sorry this is short! I should have a few more posts within a few days. Also, My partner should also be doing some writing for here as well (If he’d get his ass in gear, LOL.). So keep an eye out for that. It should be… interesting, to say the least 🙂 anyway, that’s all for now, I’m probably going to have some new stuff in the next couple of days, hopefully. Thanks for reading, guys. You rock!

-Air

On Therapy and Survivorship

As I have stated before, I’m in therapy, for a variety of reasons. There is really nothing wrong with that. I see both a psychiatrist and psychologist. For me, it’s helpful for my issues. I’m diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADD. I am on Adderal for the ADD, and am not taking anything else for the other disorders. However, I have not talked to my therapist at all about my multiplicity. I’ve been told I should get a “Proper Diagnosis”, but I don’t think I want to bring it up. It would be nice to have Celeste and Eris be able to work out some of their own issues with a therapist, but of course, I’d rather not deal with the fallout from it. I wonder what would happen if I brought it up, and could convince him that the DSM is not accurate in regards to multiplicity. I think a step towards fixing the problem of being labeled unstable is to get therapists on our side. I don’t know how to do that, without the fear of being put in a mental hospital, or at the very least being labeled crazy.

My therapist is actually a pretty awesome guy. He listens to me, and helped me get past my emotionally and sexually abusive relationship, which is where a lot of my issues come from. (Aside from the ADD). Of course, you can’t be dependent on a therapist. You need to work on things yourself too, and you can’t go to your therapist with every little thing. (Like when my mom brings up my slight freak out the other week, even though it was because I was stressed and tired because life was being a bitch, and I didn’t feel that it was a problem) Sometimes you just need to deal with life. Honestly, you shouldn’t be absolutely dependent on anyone, because it can be really unhealthy.

There’s nothing wrong with therapy, as long as it helps you. There is also nothing wrong with medications if they help. Hell, Adderal has been a big help, not only for helping me focus, but because of my chronic fatigue, which made me live life in a fog for a good 3 years. Medications aren’t a cure-all, but they can help a lot. The only problem with therapy is if you rely on it to fix all of your problems. You can’t just think therapy or medications will fix everything. Life doesn’t exactly work that way. Life is difficult, and they best way to get through it is to live.

In regards to my multiplicity and therapy, we’ve all talked about the pros and cons of bringing it up. Eris has wanted to work on anger management, and Celeste has a lot of issues to deal with that she feels like getting help for. However, we’ve come to the same impasse, which is what would happen if we brought it up. If he treated Eris and Celeste as people, not as fragments of my personality, then if they chose, they could get help. However, the more likely response might be that he thinks I’m just crazy, and need medication, or you know, a padded cell. I’ve brought it up in a general sense, and I couldn’t gauge his response at all. I even brought up healthy multiplicity, and he really didn’t say much. So for now, it’s probably not something we are going to bring up. However, if anyone has a good way to broach the subject, that’d be awesome.

Also, moving on from that. A lot of people get the wrong impression that empowered multiples are anti-survivor. We’re not. I’m starting up a sexual assault support group at my university, and I have the utmost respect for survivors. You can be empowered and abused in the past. I was. I went through emotional and verbal abuse, as well as sexual abuse. I’ve been triggered by shit on TV, I’ve had panic attacks, the works. My ex threatened to send someone to put me in the hospital, and I am still uncomfortable around my neighborhood sometimes. However, a lot of survivors get stuck in a victim mindset, and can’t get past that. I was co-dependent, and took the asshole back, not once but twice, and let him play mind games with me. He shouldn’t have, and it’s his fault that he’s an abusive piece of shit, but I was also so in love with him that I couldn’t see it. It took a massive wake up call for me to finally realize what a piece of shit he was. No one has the right to hurt and abuse you, and when you recover, it’s hard as shit. I still have some bad days. But becoming dependent on therapy isn’t going to help get your life back. Therapy can help, but like everything else, it’s not a cure all. To get your life back, you need to make an effort and say I am not going to be a statistic, I am going to show that bastard that he lost.(Or she, women can be abusers as well. Either way, it’s wrong) It takes a lot, and there are days when I brood and dwell on it, but I’m fine most days. I found a lot of joy in life, despite having baggage. I write, I listen to music, sing, and I work at helping others. It takes a lot of work, but it’s possible. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. Whatever it takes to get back to living, do it.

The biggest help has actually come from my friends and partner. I’ve been able to talk to them, and it helps a hell of a lot.

Anyway, that’s my piece. To any survivors out there, you guys are strong as hell, even if you don’t realize it.

-Air

Dissection of Psychology Today by our Esteemed Ameturasu

Our wonderful friend Ametrasu has this lovely dissection for us to share, from Psychology Today: (Her comments in blue) Original Article found http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditio … y-disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a severe condition in which two or more distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual.
… And the thing that linked me to this article was Multiple Personality Disorder. Is Psychology To-day confused? (They are, but we’ll get to that later.) See, the identity/personality thing is contradictory. An identity is not a personality. And they don’t take control of an individual. The body is a shared vessel. If you want to think about it in a certain light, the “alters” are other souls – sharing a body.

The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
Not entirely true. Romanticised by Sybil Moment: 1 Not all Multiples experience such extensive memory loss. I know I didn’t. To think that all Multiples experience such extensive memory loss is rather ignorant and mostly comes from a lack of research and, you know, thinking.

DID is a disorder characterized by identity fragmentation rather than a proliferation of separate personalities. The disturbance is not due to the direct psychological effects of a substance or of a general medical condition, yet as this once rarely reported disorder has become more common, the diagnosis has become controversial.
No. No. Motherfucking NO. Epic fail in the research dept. On Psychology To-day’s side. (Romanticised by Sybil: 2) This ‘disorder’ as they so generalise it, isn’t “identity fragmentation”. That suggests a “scared side” as an alter (and so forth). Here’s another beef I have with this paragraph: They jump from a ‘disturbance’ to how controversial this ‘disorder’ is. WHAT?!
Let’s move on.

Some believe that because DID patients are easily hypnotized, their symptoms are iatrogenic, that is, they have arisen in response to therapists’ suggestions. Brain imaging studies, however, have corroborated identity transitions in some patients. DID was called Multiple Personality Disorder until 1994, when the name was changed to reflect a better understanding of the condition—namely, that it is characterized by a fragmentation, or splintering, of identity rather than by a proliferation, or growth, of separate identities.

Okay, that first sentence is true. Some people do believe that Multiples are easily hypnotised. However, I want to stab the author of this article in the chest for skipping again. First, he (she?) is talking about transitioning, then to the history of the name.
Again, Multiples aren’t “fragmented” or any of that shit.

You know, what gets me is that they have the truth right in front of them and they can’t see it. This person seems to think that a Multiple has different personalities as opposed to separate identities. Yes. There is a difference.
A personality is numerous traits cobbled together to create one part of a person.
An identity is a separate person. Complete with likes, dislikes, personality traits, and many other things.

DID reflects a failure to integrate various aspects of identity, memory and consciousness in a single multidimensional self.

Wait…what? Multiplicity doesn’t reflect a failure to keep your you one person. Multiples have entirely separate identities. Not just cardboard cutouts as this selection suggests.
Usually, a primary identity carries the individual’s given name and is passive, dependent, guilty and depressed.
This makes no sense to me. A primary identity is….what, exactly?  Is it an alter who has been there for a long time? Is it a front-runner? I don’t know because this article isn’t telling me anything!!

When in control, each personality state, or alter, may be experienced as if it has a distinct history, self-image and identity.

Because they do.  Most of the time. Funny story behind that, reader. I’ll tell you one day when you’re old enough.

The alters’ characteristics—including name, reported age and gender, vocabulary, general knowledge, and predominant mood—contrast with those of the primary identity.

Not always. Some alters are quite close to the front-runner; for a variety of reasons, really. One of these is because the alter really isn’t too different from the front-runner by default. Another reason could be because the alter doesn’t want to be found out but wants to come out for a bit.

Certain circumstances or stressors can cause a particular alter to emerge.

True…-ish. The words “a particular alter” can mean anything. The vibe I’m getting from the first page of this article is that a “particular alter” is a two dimensional “protector”.

The various identities may deny knowledge of one another, be critical of one another or appear to be in open conflict.

Again, true. But wait! In one moment, the writer said that the alters were not identities. Now he’s saying they are?
Explain, movie! EXPLAIN!!

The individual experiences two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).
NOOOOO. Identities and personalities are not the same thing! That’s like comparing apples and oranges. It doesn’t work. But, aside from that inaccuracy I’m probably going to murder chipmunks over, this is true. Alters do tend to perceive things differently than front-runners do.
The reported range of identities is from 2 to more than 100. Half of the reported cases include individuals with 10 or fewer.
Again, this is true. But please, Psych-To-day, please stop using “identity” and “personality” interchangeably. Please?
At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behavior. Each may exhibit its own distinct history, self-image, behaviors, and, physical characteristics, as well as possess a separate name.

Not exactly. An alter takes control of the body not the behaviour. To me, saying the alter takes over the front-runners behaviour is like saying the front-runner is acting. The alter takes over the shell not the front-runner.
Particular identities may emerge in specific circumstances. Alternative identities are experienced as taking control in sequence, one at the expense of the other, and may deny knowledge of one another, be critical of one another or appear to be in open conflict. Transitions from one identity to another are often triggered by psychosocial stress.
This is partly true and already gone over in the last page. So I shan’t bother you with my explanations now. But I will beat into your head one more time that not all transitions are caused by negative psychological stressors.
Frequent gaps are found in memories of personal history, including people, places, and events, for both the distant and recent past. Different alters may remember different events, but passive identities tend to have more limited memories whereas hostile, controlling or protective identities have more complete memories.

Again, no. Well, partly no. It is true that different alters remember different things, but alters can fill the front-runner in on things. BECAUSE THEY CAN COMMUNICATE. Out there, isn’t it? And what the hell is a passive alter? Is it an alter that hangs out and doesn’t do much? Explaaain. And putting hostile and protective alters on the same level is…not a good idea. That, and while alters can be aggressive/hostile, that tends to be a violent one and the other alters don’t let it come out too much, if at all. There’s also no “protective identities”. (Romanticised by Sybil: 3)

Symptoms of depression, anxiety, passivity, dependence and guilt may be present.

Okay, yeah. I’ll give you that one. But ask yourselves: Why is Multiple Bob depressed, anxious, passive, dependent, and/or guilty? Those emotions shouldn’t really be used to diagnose someone with Multiplicity, in my opinion and if you use them then that’s as bad as thinking BattleField Earth is a good movie.
In childhood, problem behavior and an inability to focus in school are common.

Eh….numbers and dependable studies, please?

Self-destructive and/or aggressive behavior may take place.

Again, I wouldn’t doubt this, but I want me some studies!

Visual or auditory hallucinations may occur.

Please tell me what this means. We’ve all fucking hallucinated. You know when you hear your name but nobody called it? HALLUCINATION. Talking to your alters (or seeing them, as that’s how I’m reading this) isn’t a goddamn hallucination. If you want hallucinations, look up positive schizophrenia.

The average time that elapses from the first symptom to diagnosis is six to seven years.
WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS?!? I don’t understand why you aren’t citing your sources! (*possibly * Romanticised by Sybil: 4)

The disturbance is not due to the direct psychological effects of a substance or of a general medical condition.

THIS ISN’T A SYMPTOM!! Explanation of a cause is not a fucking symptom.

I hate the writer of this article.  I really do and I’m not even done with this. Ugh. Wish me luck. > <

Why some people develop DID is not entirely understood, but they frequently report having experienced severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during childhood.

THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. They’re talking about some people. Not the Romanticised by Sybil (count: 5) Multiples? Or maybe they are. I DON’T KNOW. Are they talking about the some they choose to listen to? Or are they talking about the minority? They aren’t telling us, so we don’t know!

Though the accuracy of such accounts is disputed, they are often confirmed by objective evidence.

What objective evidence?! Hypnotherapy?! What evidence?! Where are your sources, writer? Huh???

Individuals with DID may also have post-traumatic symptoms (nightmares, flashbacks, and startle responses) or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Flashback, in this (like many other) instances simply means ‘reliving’.
I suffer from PTSD (nightmares and startle responses brought on by the source that has nothing to do with my Multiplicity) and I feel that the parenthesised words in the above passage are just too vague. We’ve all had nightmares, but that doesn’t mean we have PTSD. Yes, I realise that the passage says ‘symptoms’ in one part, Douchey McNitpick, but tell me the eye-opening, mind-blowing difference these two things have when the damned writer is using “identity” and “personality” interchangeably. In my honest opinion, this guy probably doesn’t know the difference between the two.

Several studies suggest that DID is more common among close biological relatives of persons who also have the disorder than in the general population.

This…isn’t making sense to me. Are they saying that Multiplicity is genetic? And, again, what studies? I want to know.

As this once rarely reported disorder has grown more common, the diagnosis has become controversial.

You already said that. Also, thank you, writer, for telling us why this diagnosis has become controversial. I’ll give you a hint, reader: IT’S THE FUCKING MEDIA.

Some believe that because DID patients are highly suggestible, their symptoms are at least partly iatrogenic— that is, prompted by their therapists’ probing.

SYBIL.

Brain imaging studies, however, have corroborated identity transitions.

You already said this, and yet you’re obfuscating the issue by giving us false information and buying into the stereotypes while acting like you don’t. Yeah. Right.

The primary treatment for DID is long-term psychotherapy with the goal of deconstructing the different personalities and uniting them into one.
I hate you, writer. So fucking much.
Integration should never be the goal unless a system is to unbelievably crippled that the front-runner cannot function in everyday society. Telling Multiples to integrate is telling them to MURDER. I do not want Victoria and Dorian to be me anymore than they want to be me. I don’t want to kill them.
If you’re going to treat these other people as simple personalities that are 2D then Multiples  (and alters alike) wouldn’t be crying at the thought of integration.
So if you want to be responsible for death go ahead and integrate. Take control over someone emotionally vulnerable you money-hungry therapist. Fuck you.

Other treatments include cognitive and creative therapies. Although there are no medications that specifically treat this disorder, antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs or tranquilizers may be prescribed to help control the mental health symptoms associated with it.
There are no medicines that properly “treat” this “disorder” because every system is different.
Any of the drugs listed here are likely to sever communication and fuck everyone in the system. If you have a psychiatrist who wants you to take these then kick him in the balls. Promptly.

A note:
~It’s not a disorder until the front-runner’s life (or the whole system) is screwed over and unable to function properly. A Multiple’s system is a lot like a clock. It cannot work properly if something is missing. Be it a spring or something bigger.

This is not ours, and we give all credit to Ameturasu, who spent a long time dissecting this. She wins infinite internets for this.

-Eris

Edit: Put Ameturasu’s handle. Have no idea why that did not show up when I edited it two days ago… -_-;

Dating (Oh the humanity!/sarcasm) Someone Who is Multiple.

Eris here. We decided to create our own dating guide for singlets dating a multiple.

We are currently dating another system, which is fine. We don’t need to explain ourselves, or feel like we have to justify ourselves. We also don’t need to worry about feeling like we’re crazy. Of course, dating anyone is hard. We have the same sorts of issues that crop up, just like any singlet couple. We’ve been curious to see if any other systems date, so we googled it. Well, that was a mistake. All we’ve found are wonderful “tips” on dating someone with “DID”, with the same stereotypical misconceptions that permeate the community.  Or people wondering about if sleeping with another resident is “cheating”. Or wondering about “The kinky alter”. *Face Door, when face palm is not enough*

So, inspired, I’ve decided to create a dating guide for singlets dating multiples.

  • First things first. Don’t ask stupid questions. Don’t try to figure out what kind of terrible, horrible trauma your SO has been through. Maybe there was none. Maybe they weren’t involved in horrendous child abuse. Don’t try to get the juicy, gritty details if they were. If they were, respect them and their space. Don’t hound them. It’s disrespectful.
  • Don’t assume that they need a therapist. Don’t assume that they have some tragic unlocked memories of child abuse. You know what they say about assumptions. They make an ass out of you. Just because you took a psych class or watched Sybil or The Three Faces of Eve does not mean that you know more about your SO’s multiplicity than your SO does. If she is in therapy, that does not mean she is in therapy for being multiple. We’re in therapy that has nothing to do with our multiplicity.
  • Don’t, don’t, don’t, DON’T GO ON SOME HELP SITE BAWWWWWWWWLING TO STRANGERS OVER THE INTERNET ABOUT IT. Why? Because they will give you the same regurgitated nonsense they learned in some psych class. Want to learn how to deal with it? Ask your SO. Talk to his/her residents, and make an effort to know them. People on the internet don’t know your SO. They won’t give you anything more than that stigmatizing mumbo jumbo that everyone accepts as fact. This could very well not be the case, especially if your SO is a natural multiple.
  • Don’t treat all of the residents as less than they are. That means treating them as the valid people they are. Frankly, this worries me should B(Our partner) and Air break up. Then we have to worry about this all over again. I’m quite hard-headed, and won’t stand for someone treating me as some sort of figment, or “tumor”, as our room-mate put it in jest, needing integration.
  • Don’t baby us. For Christ’s sake, don’t act like we’re stupid. If you insult our intelligence, hope to the gods that the resident isn’t like me, because I would chew you a new asshole. I would not tolerate your shenanigans. (Isis’s note- I may act more childish, but I’m not fucking stupid.  Don’t judge the resident on how they act. Ask questions. Don’t assume because they have a high pitched voice and are easily amused that it’s because they’re a kid. They could be an adult, and could rip you a new one for assuming they’re not)
  • Don’t assume that everything is a result of their multiplicity. We also see this with women(PMS), and Bi-polar. If they get mad, angry, hurt, scared, ect, don’t assume it’s “A new “alter” emerging (Air’s comment: A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!), or that he/she is splitting, dissociating, or having a flashback. Maybe you pissed your SO off? Did you think of that before blaming his/her multiplicity? Not every emotional reaction has to do with another resident. Some days Air get’s mad at B, or annoyed at him, but he doesn’t sit there and blame it on me. (Frankly, if he did, he’d have a whole system pissed off even worse, and he knows it 😉 ) Your SO has valid emotions, and don’t write them off because YOU think you know what’s going on.
  • Don’t try to pigeonhole us. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has a “Kinky alter”. Also, if you have a resident who is into more… diverse tastes, don’t assume that is the only thing they’re there for. Don’t use them for sex. They have feelings, just as you do. Hell, I’m into different kinks, but that doesn’t mean I go off screwing whoever or doing whatever. I don’t even sleep with everyone in the other system. I have one mate, and he and I keep it monogamous. The ones who like sex aren’t toys for your pleasure so you can feel like your sleeping with someone else, or a free and easy way to cheat on the frontrunner. And yes, I do consider this cheating, as sure as if you were sleeping with someone outside the body. Unless there is some kind of agreement on who you are able to sleep with, it’s wrong. Which brings me to the next point:
  • Don’t coax a resident, ESPECIALLY a child resident, into sex. It’s still sex with a child, even if your SO is not a child physically. It’s wrong. Don’t think you can get away with it. If you bring out that child specifically to use him/her for sex, you are disturbed. It’s abusive, and you are a rapist. congratulations, seek help.
  • Same goes for other residents. Don’t try to force them into sex.
  • Don’t try to force your SO into therapy if they are functioning. Be aware that therapy carries a heavy burden, and could get your SO put in a mental hospital against his/her will, should he/she admit to being multiple. If you don’t want your SO to end up living one of the many horror stories we’ve heard about forced hospitalization (Read The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls by Emilie Autumn for one such story.), then I don’t suggest trying to force her into therapy if he/she doesn’t want it, simply on the basis of being multiple.
  • Don’t assume because they don’t have all of the crap associated with “DID” that they are faking it. Erase that Sybil nonsense from your head. Don’t accuse them of doing it for attention. They already get that enough from all sides of the debate, and it’s not helping them.
  • Don’t try to psycho-analyze them, or study them. Air made this stupid error of judgment somewhat, before she knew about me. Granted, her reaction was more of fascination, and wanted to show people how wrong they were with regards to multiplicity. However, it was embarrassing. (Like I said, n00b) Don’t do this. Our SO took it in stride, and was probably happy that it was a far more benign reaction than it could have been. However, don’t pry, don’t try to say, “Well so and so is a result of…”. It’s ignorant. Thankfully, after the initial child-like wonderment, Air pretty much accepted it, and moved on. Of course, she met me shortly after, as well.

Now moving on to Air’s list of Do’s. She spent some time as a “singlet” before she realized we were here, so she can create a good guide.

-Eris

Now, what you should do while dating a person who is multiple.-Air’s guide

  • Treat members of the system as people(Because they are). Call them by their names, should they ask you to, and make an effort to get to know them. Once you get out of the mindset that they’re not people, it’s pretty easy. A week after meeting the first alter(Boyfriend uses this term), I’d gotten all they’re names down, and talked to them individually. I’d even been able to tell them apart pretty easily. It was a bit strange at first, but not overwhelmingly so. It was different. I think what made me stand out from his other “singlet” partners(Before I was aware that I was multiple and was living as a singlet, that is) is that I had treated them all as people, not as some roleplaying game, or anything like that. Tyger, the “Scary scary eeeeebbbbbiiiilllll” alter had even said this. He was not fond of anyone else because they thought he was part of some game. How would you feel, if you were never taken seriously? Same goes with the others in his system. It’s why we’ve been dating for over a year. If I had decided to act like a moron about it, I doubt I would be writing this now.
  • Get to know them. That means learning about them. Have a conversation with them. It’s like meeting your SO’s family, except a little more nerve-wracking because they share head space. Try to make a good impression. Again, this goes back to the Don’ts in Eris’s list.
  • If you get into a disagreement with anyone, try to deal with it civilly, in a reasonable manner. Ask if your SO can help intervene and get them to talk to you. If you have done something to offend someone, work it out like if you were dealing with any other inter-personal relationships. It’s not that different, the only difference is being in the same body.
  • Treat everyone with respect. This is a biggie in any relationship. Treat those in your SOs system with the same respect that you would with your SOs outer family.
  • Communicate.
  • Anything that is proper in singlet relationships, it’s the same with multiple relationships.  You don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the system, but you do have to treat them with dignity and respect. Don’t think you can get away with any kind of mistreatment because your SO is a multiple. It doesn’t work that way.
  • Ask your SO for help with telling people apart, names, and whatnot. It can be a bit confusing at first, but it will get a lot easier.
  • If one of their residents is abusive towards YOU, don’t tolerate it. Make sure you inform your SO about it, and if they refuse to talk to the resident, or do anything about it, then don’t just sit there and take it. Do whatever you have to. Make sure your being treated with respect as well. Being multiple does not excuse abusive behavior.
  • Talk about sex, and what is OK and what is not. Make sure you know what the boundaries are. Talk about what happens in certain awkward situations, like dealing with children and what not.
  • Trust your partner.

And I think that covers the basics. I know there is another good guide, better than this one, on Amorpha’s Collective Phenomenon, by Azusa, Anthea and Shiu. Go there for a very awesome collection of anything healthy multiplicity. They were the first we’d ever read, and they’re simply amazing. Go check it out!

http://www.dreamshore.net/amorpha/so-faq.html

-Air

Coming out.

We’ve been officially “out” to our friends for a long time. Honestly, I can’t think of a single bad response. We’ve been lucky in that respect. We also knew well enough that maybe we shouldn’t bring this up in therapy. However, we’re still n00bs to the empowered multiplicity community. We remember trying to find the words to describe us. “We have MPD, but it’s not a disorder, if that makes any sense. It’s not bad, we all talk to each other, I just have different people living in my head.” We’ve been just as harmed by the misinformation by others who aren’t aware that there is such a thing as empowered multiplicity. We found out about this all of three weeks ago. It’s been a relief. We remember, plainly sitting in Psych class in High School, watching Sybil, feeling connected to something in it, but doubting our own experience because we didn’t have the same symptoms, nor were we horrendously abused as a child. Never mind that I made myself known Air’s whole life, and that I was only just recognized last year, thanks to a wonderful system that we know and love. It took that long, because we were told that this couldn’t happen. We were told that we shouldn’t be able to function as a system, because we should be dissociative. (Isis: Or that we are “cancer”. Yeah, guess I’m a tumor then, right Discovery Health?)

So, finally, we’re out now. We’ve been out for a while. And we’ve been lucky. We have the most supportive group of friends. We have friends who don’t care how many of us there are, and accept all of us as the separate people we are. We’re even out to our mom, who’s OK with it. (Still doesn’t get it, but she’s working on it). So, that’s our coming out story, for those who read this blog. 🙂 Also, We’d like to take this time to thank our partner(s). If it weren’t for that system, well, you might not be talking to me now. They got the ball rolling for us to get involved, by letting us be ourselves. So, thanks guys. And to Air’s mate; I know we fight a lot, but I do like you, most days. Thanks for being there, for everyone. ❤

-Eris

A Message to Violent Residents and Their Systems.

For violent residents,

I have been there. I have been the one who put the body at risk for harm. I almost put a hand through a car window. I am still an insomniac. I still become triggered. I am still a bloody mess.

You do not have to live that way. You are family. No matter how you came about, you have people there to help you. You can work together to make sure you do not end up in a mental hospital. They’ve not changed since the Victorian Era. You also have those damned psychologists who make it seem like you have to fit into some role, people see you as batty because you are not alone in your own head, or because you have been through horrors that no person should go through. I remember when I could not speak a word, and would lash out at others in the system. I would have ended up harming the body and others, if I had the chance. However, I had so much support from others in the system, and from some outsiders as well. I made an effort to change. Now, I am not perfect. I still have very bad days, but I have good days, as well. You can change, too. I believe that. It is not going to happen over night. It is going to take time and patience on behalf of yourself and your system. You may feel alone, scared, and helpless. You may even feel worthless. However, you are not. I know I thought those sort of things about myself. You just need to work through it, any way you can. You will get through it.

-Celeste

For those with violent residents.

Celeste came around last year. In a role play class, we had to work with masks, and look in a mirror and act. I remember that day clearly. I remember looking in the mirror and feeling like I was not in control anymore. Eris and Isis were in the background, monitoring, and making sure that everything was kept in check. Nothing happened, and we’ve never had an incident of self harm with her. We were afraid of her, and she was impossible to communicate with.

We were unsure of what to do. Then we talked to her. We were finally able to get her to communicate. We found out why she was so fucked up. And we were able to help. She’s part of our family now. You don’t have to fear the violent ones, if you have them. They’re part of your family, too. Give them the same understanding as you would with your outer family. They have their own stories, their own history. They’re still people, and they may frighten and frustrate you, but you can try to talk to them.

I know, it sounds preachy or whatever, but it’s upsetting to see so many people who have this kind of problem. It’s upsetting to see our family not considered people, not worthy of help. It’s sad. One of the reasons we started this blog was so people who are multiple don’t need to feel like they’re crazy, and that no one gets it. There are a lot more of us out there. Hopefully soon, People won’t see you as a freak, or feel like one either.

-Air

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