Archive for Psychology

Finally back, with something to write about.

Well, it’s been forever since I’ve written anything. Work has been soul sucking, and there hasn’t been much to write about. For one, I’m FINALLY working on my manuscript for a novel, with the two main characters being naturally multiple. Loosely based of off my first meeting with my boyfriend, it’s going to explore natural multiplicity. It should be pretty awesome, and it will knock down a lot of the stereotypes that surround the community. Two, Isis of our Pack split, so we now have another member, A, who will not be writing for the most part. We would like to welcome our “newest” member to the family, and hope s/he/it enjoys her/his/its stay here. So things are pretty interesting up here. I also have drawings of everyone, and will post them ASAP. My boyfriend will also be writing in the near future, so that is something to look forward to. Work has been sucking my soul, so it’s been difficult to write for the most part. I will try to at least update every other day, from this point forward, to make sure I stay on point.

Anyway, the last thing is that I FINALLY talked to my therapist. He was really cool about it as well. He was genuinly interested, and let me talk without judging me as a crazy person, nor threatening to send me to a psych ward. Yay! I think he felt more honored I could trust him with this, because I told him about my fears. It made me feel good. It took a bit of explaining, but I think it went well. I’m glad I have such an awesome therapist. It was really good to put it out there, not because I’m having problems with it, but like I’ve said before, we need to get therapists to see our side. I brought in my copy of When Rabbit Howls and he asked me about it, and we went from there. He only talked to me, but that’s fine. The others in the Pack are still a little shaky about talking, but Eris volunteered to go first should he ask. We are pleased with this development. It was nerve-wracking, but we wanted to do it. We’ll talk to him at our next appointment, whoever wants to, and it should be interesting. I’m pleased it went well.

It felt good to get it off my chest, and the others are relieved as well. As a firm believer in honesty, I felt that to have good sessions meant to be completely honest about this, because of how big of a deal this is in my life. Being multiple is what I am, and what we are. So it makes sense to want to be honest about it. At least, to me it does. And, I’m paying for therapy, I should be able to trust my therapist to tell him things of this nature without fear of being deemed “mad”. After all, if you don’t trust your therapist, it’s not doing you any good. Of course, it still applies not to be dependent. You can trust them, but you can’t make every life decision based on what they say.

Coming up, a few posts and hopefully my review of When Rabbit Howls in the next few days. The BF should be posting here soon as well. Sorry it’s been forever. Work’s been evil. <.<

-Air

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On Therapy and Survivorship

As I have stated before, I’m in therapy, for a variety of reasons. There is really nothing wrong with that. I see both a psychiatrist and psychologist. For me, it’s helpful for my issues. I’m diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADD. I am on Adderal for the ADD, and am not taking anything else for the other disorders. However, I have not talked to my therapist at all about my multiplicity. I’ve been told I should get a “Proper Diagnosis”, but I don’t think I want to bring it up. It would be nice to have Celeste and Eris be able to work out some of their own issues with a therapist, but of course, I’d rather not deal with the fallout from it. I wonder what would happen if I brought it up, and could convince him that the DSM is not accurate in regards to multiplicity. I think a step towards fixing the problem of being labeled unstable is to get therapists on our side. I don’t know how to do that, without the fear of being put in a mental hospital, or at the very least being labeled crazy.

My therapist is actually a pretty awesome guy. He listens to me, and helped me get past my emotionally and sexually abusive relationship, which is where a lot of my issues come from. (Aside from the ADD). Of course, you can’t be dependent on a therapist. You need to work on things yourself too, and you can’t go to your therapist with every little thing. (Like when my mom brings up my slight freak out the other week, even though it was because I was stressed and tired because life was being a bitch, and I didn’t feel that it was a problem) Sometimes you just need to deal with life. Honestly, you shouldn’t be absolutely dependent on anyone, because it can be really unhealthy.

There’s nothing wrong with therapy, as long as it helps you. There is also nothing wrong with medications if they help. Hell, Adderal has been a big help, not only for helping me focus, but because of my chronic fatigue, which made me live life in a fog for a good 3 years. Medications aren’t a cure-all, but they can help a lot. The only problem with therapy is if you rely on it to fix all of your problems. You can’t just think therapy or medications will fix everything. Life doesn’t exactly work that way. Life is difficult, and they best way to get through it is to live.

In regards to my multiplicity and therapy, we’ve all talked about the pros and cons of bringing it up. Eris has wanted to work on anger management, and Celeste has a lot of issues to deal with that she feels like getting help for. However, we’ve come to the same impasse, which is what would happen if we brought it up. If he treated Eris and Celeste as people, not as fragments of my personality, then if they chose, they could get help. However, the more likely response might be that he thinks I’m just crazy, and need medication, or you know, a padded cell. I’ve brought it up in a general sense, and I couldn’t gauge his response at all. I even brought up healthy multiplicity, and he really didn’t say much. So for now, it’s probably not something we are going to bring up. However, if anyone has a good way to broach the subject, that’d be awesome.

Also, moving on from that. A lot of people get the wrong impression that empowered multiples are anti-survivor. We’re not. I’m starting up a sexual assault support group at my university, and I have the utmost respect for survivors. You can be empowered and abused in the past. I was. I went through emotional and verbal abuse, as well as sexual abuse. I’ve been triggered by shit on TV, I’ve had panic attacks, the works. My ex threatened to send someone to put me in the hospital, and I am still uncomfortable around my neighborhood sometimes. However, a lot of survivors get stuck in a victim mindset, and can’t get past that. I was co-dependent, and took the asshole back, not once but twice, and let him play mind games with me. He shouldn’t have, and it’s his fault that he’s an abusive piece of shit, but I was also so in love with him that I couldn’t see it. It took a massive wake up call for me to finally realize what a piece of shit he was. No one has the right to hurt and abuse you, and when you recover, it’s hard as shit. I still have some bad days. But becoming dependent on therapy isn’t going to help get your life back. Therapy can help, but like everything else, it’s not a cure all. To get your life back, you need to make an effort and say I am not going to be a statistic, I am going to show that bastard that he lost.(Or she, women can be abusers as well. Either way, it’s wrong) It takes a lot, and there are days when I brood and dwell on it, but I’m fine most days. I found a lot of joy in life, despite having baggage. I write, I listen to music, sing, and I work at helping others. It takes a lot of work, but it’s possible. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. Whatever it takes to get back to living, do it.

The biggest help has actually come from my friends and partner. I’ve been able to talk to them, and it helps a hell of a lot.

Anyway, that’s my piece. To any survivors out there, you guys are strong as hell, even if you don’t realize it.

-Air